


Plastic (Go Back To Being Plastic)

by FrozenHearts



Series: 300 Tumblr Follower Fic Give-Aways [5]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5 Things, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Alec Needs a Hug, Alec deserves so much better, Alec has a breakdown, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Blood and Injury, Coming Out, Depression, Eavesdropping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt, Hurt Alec, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Magnus/Alec, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jace is more perceptive than people think, M/M, Max is not in this, Mentioned Lydia Branwell, Mentioned Magnus Bane - Freeform, Mentioned Simon Lewis, Parabatai, Parabatai Bond, Robert Lightwood Being an Asshole, Slap in the face, Supportive Clary, Supportive Isabelle, Yelling, so much hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-02 13:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6567634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenHearts/pseuds/FrozenHearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jace learns in small steps that his parabatai has never been given the chance at real happiness</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>5+ 1 times that Jace learns of Alec's daily struggles in life as a gay Shadowhunter</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plastic (Go Back To Being Plastic)

**Author's Note:**

> I realized throughout the books that Alec is never given the chance by his parents to truly be himself, and as I watch the show, Matt just plays Alec wonderfully, he really helps viewers notice all the little things Alec has to put up with day to day.

**1.**

The first time he realized it, he found himself at Isabelle's bedroom door. He had been training with Alec that morning, and his parabatai had seemed agitated. Jace knew if Alec was preoccupied by something, he would think of nothinh else, so they cut training early and Jace watched him practically trip over himself on his way out.

"I had to talk to my parents," was all Alec had said when Jace asked him later that afternoon. He still seemed on edge, but Jace let it go.

Alec's behavior had slipped his mind until he passed Isabelle's room on his way to his own. The door had been slightly ajar, and Jace froze mid-step as he heard Alec's voice.

"They didn't take it well, Izzy."

Jace pressed his hand lightly against the door. He knew Alec was talking about his parents. There was no doubt about that.

But why did he sound ready to cry?

Isabelle's voice was muffled slightly, "Just give them time. They'll come around eventually."

"They said it was a phase. Mom is going to try and set me up with a girl-"

A girl. Was that what this was? Jace pursed his lips. In his opinion, it didn't  _seem_ like an issue-

"-which won't change the fact that I'm  _gay_ , Izzy. As much as they want to pretend I'm not."

Oh.

Jace slowly ambled away from the door, tuning out what he supposed was Isabelle's supportive speech for her brother.

The information he just obtained hit him like a face full of bricks as he fell back on his bed.

Alec was gay.

And he had been scared to tell him, to tell  _anyone_.

Jace wasn't exactly an expert on sexuality; he knew there was an LGBT group in the Mundane world. And he knew now that Alec liked guys. He didn't see how there could be a problem with his parabatai being gay- you really couldn't help who you were attracted to. It always just happens. No warning, no preparation.

If it had taken nineteen years to come out to his parents out of fear, it made Jace wonder if Alec would be comfortable with him knowing. Isabelle knew already, but he figured it was different with himself, considering their parabatai bond.

Jace made a mental note to try and talk to Isabelle tomorrow morning. She'd be able to help him sort out the situation much better.

 

**2.**

Isabelle was more than happy to fill Jace in on the situation, but Jace just assumed it was probably because there was someone other than Alec himself she could talk about it with. That morning, after she filled him in on the situation (who knew, who Alec told- willingly, as she had stressed, who Alec was currently dating.) It was all very new, but soon, Jace found himself trying to sort out the facts on his way to the library.

He stopped short when he heard Maryse's voice warbling down the hall.

"- very nice girl," Maryse was saying, making Jace freeze on the spot.

Alec almost whined, "But that's not fair to her."

So it was true. Maryse was trying to marry Alec off. He knew they were a stickler for tradition and keeping the Lightwood name intact, but this was ridiculous. His stomach roiled; he hadn't bothered eating anything before training, and he knew he was going to end up puking afterwarfs because he didn't prepare.

Jace almost had half a mind to barge in there when he heard what Maryse said next.

"This is a partnership, Alexander," her words were clipped, short. Like she would rather be anywhere else but here at this moment in time. "There's no reason for happiness in a business partnership."

Ugh. Jace clutched his stomach, ready to vomit right there. 

Alec seemed to agree with his sentiment, retorting, "I've always done what you asked. Set a good example, and-"

"And this will further show Isabelle and Jace that you are the epitome of what a Shadowhunter is. Don't disappoint anymore than you already have."

Jace felt his skin crawling every time he saw Maryse and Robert in the days following the wedding. Maryse seemed less uppity about the whole thing, but with each passing day, each day the wedding came closer, he could see their words and glares weighing him down. 

Jace went to Isabelle's room the night before Alec's wedding, tears streaming down his face.

"Jace?" Isabelle asked softly, opening her arms for a hug. He plopped on her bed lifelessly, showing her his parabatai rune.

"It's like he's dead, Iz."

 

**3.**

Alec looked like a Forsaken as he stood at the altar, his black hair mussed and dark bruises under his eyes. Jace and Isabelle stood on opposite ends, staring forlornly at the soon to be couple. Lydia was a nice girl, she really was, but Jace knew that beyond a business partnership, neither would be happy.

They had gotten to the part where newlyweds kissed, shocking Jace to no end. Had time really gone by that fast? Jace could feel the tension rise in the room as the Silent Brother started announcing the newlyweds. Isabelle seemed just as stiff, her dark lipstick set in a thin line on her face. Desperation was clear in her eyes, and Jace could see Clary and Simon were worried as well.

If Alec kissed Lydia, that was it.

Alec would be stuck. Forever. Forever unhappy and forever fated to be alone. As Lydia leaned in for the kiss, however, Jace could see her hesitate. For a minute, he was relieved- Lydia was realizing. She was noticing-

Until she second guessed herself and leaned in further. Shit. Shit, shit, _shit_ -

And then he was kissing Magnus. Striding down the aisle, telling Maryse to basically fuck off, Alec grabbed Magnus with such ferocity that even teh warlock was surprised as Alec planted his lips on his. The entire reception had gone silent, the only sound being magnus and Alec's small moans as they kissed, until they broke apart, and Jace couldn't help but grin as Magnus said with a shaky breath:

"You never cease to amaze me, Alexander."

Jace's smile automatically fell when he saw Maryse approach them, demanding harshly, "Alexander Gideon Lightwood, you are going to get back up on that altar and-"

But Alec didn't seem to be having it. Instead of replying or yelling or throwing a fit (kissing Magnus instead of the bride was enough of one in his opinion), Alec merely turned to the warlock and moved to do so again. Magnus looked like he was mentally preparing himself, bejeweled fingers sending off small sparks of blue, his many rings glinting under the florescent lights. Jace steeled himself for the second time, the second time he would see Alec happy in five minutes-

But it didn't come.

Maryse, her red lipsticked mouth forcing a smile, grabbed Alec's arm, and even from his place on the altar, Jace could see it was unforgiving, long crimson nails digging into the gold sleeve of his tuxedo. Turning to the crowd, Maryse gestured to the room, "I apologize for this inconvenience- The High Warlock Of Brooklyn has just informed me that my son has been hit with some sort of spell by another warlock. Once it's removed, we'll be sure to resume teh wedding as planned. For now, enjoy the feast!"

When he and Clary were walking down the hall later, they could still hear Alec having a heated discussion with Maryse. Jace knew the spell thing was bullshit, and he slowly lead Clary in the other direction, leaving behind echoes of Alec's furious words against his tyrant of a mother.

 

**4.**

The fourth time it happened, the fourth time Jace knew how hard it was for Alec, it had been quite a shock. He had been sitting with Isabelle and Clary in the drawing room, helping Clary practice her runes. Alec was holding the pile of flashcards, Isabelle letting her nails drag along the white cardboard as she picked one up, flipping it over to show the redhead.

It had been a month since the wedding incident. Lydia had gone to Idris, rising in her position among the Clave, and generally making a good name for herself. In fact, she and Alec still spoke from time to time, so the matter had been settled, and no one had gotten hurt.

Other than Robert's pride, that is. Jace knew Maryse realized she had mad a mistake- it started out small, when he noticed. She'd let him proofread official Clave documents. She'd make small talk, and at one point (which surprised Jace considerably), she had approached himself, Isabelle and Clary in private to ask one thing.

"What is it, _madre_?" Isabelle asked softly, noticing the uncomfortable stance her mother had taken.

"I-I was wondering if you could help me make it up to Alec," Maryse said, "I realize I was wrong, and I want him to know I'm sorry."

So the four of them had set off to do just that; it had been going well, and Clary sometimes told him that she overheard Maryse discussing Alec's relationship with Magnus. From teh sound of it, things were looking up, and if Maryse was able to change herself for the better, why not her husband? It was a father's instinct to love a son to the best of their ability, and Jace was sure that if he somehow convinced Robert to apologize to his only son, things would turn around.

Until it didn't

Jace and Clary were leaving the training room when Jace noticed Robert fuming like a derailed train towards his office. Clary hadn't seen, too busy giggling at something Simon sent to her on her phone. Just as Robert approached, Jace shoved Clary to the side, pressing a finger to her mouth as she began to protest, "Jace, wha-"

Alec's tone made them freeze, pressed up against the wall, just out of sight.

"Dad, I can't change that, Mom understands-"

"I don't want to talk about your mother, Alexander!" Robert hissed. Jace pressed his lips into a thin line. Alec was only ever called by his full name when he was n deep shit. Robert went on, stammering through his words, "I think there is some sort of spell, we an just have another warlock come... come _fix_ you and-"

"What the hell, Dad?" Alec cut him off, " _Fix_ me? What am I, a chair?"

Jace wanted to laugh, he really did. But if he made a single noise, he knew they were dead if they got caught. Clary grabbed his hand in hers, her small fingers digging between his knuckles as there was a loud _BANG!_ Gulping, jace peeked out from theri hiding spot to see that Robert had a hand against the wall, his fingers splayed as if he had a set of claws.

"Do not interrupt me, young man!"

"Jace, should we-" Clary whispered as soft as she could, stifling a yelp when Alec started yelling.

"No, dad!" he cried, "No, you've been doing this for a month! A month of blatantly ignoring me or calling me names- if I'm that much of a disgrace to you, to the Lightwood name, don't you think I know that already?!"

Alec sounded tired, desperately exhausted. His words hung in the air, accompanied with Alec's panting as he went on, "All I ever did was try to get your approval, i've done everything you've asked of me for the past nineteen years and this is how I'm repaid?! How does that add up, huh? Am I supposed to sit back and take all your crap-"

Robert was red-faced now, and Jace squeezed Clary's hand as his voice slowly escalated, "I didn't raise you to be like this! To be some sort of whore!" Jace stole a quick look at his parabatai. Alec looked like he had just been slapped in the face. Robert's hands curled and uncurled, "You've tarnished the Lightwood reputation, is what you did! All these years and you threw it out the window-"

"You mean _your_ reputation?" Alec sounded breathless, "Are you _fucking kidding me rig-_ "

_SLAP!_

Clary and Jace stared, wide-eyed. Alec's face paled, as Robert grabbed his arm the minute he tried turning to leave, "Dad, let _go_ -!"

"Don't _ever_ speak to me that way again, young man!" Robert bellowed, "Do you understand?!"

Jace didn't bother looking again as there was another slap, "Answer me, or else I put your ass on the street!"

"What, no-"

"What was that? I can treat you just like any other prostitute, and prostitutes are on the street. _Do. You. Understand_."

Jace wanted to puke. Robert looked positively content as Alec shrank away from him, Clary jumping as he entered whatever room they were in front of, the bang of the door echoing down the corridor. Face burning, Jace stole a look in the hall. Empty. He could see Alec's retreating form disappear around the corner. Slowly, he and Clary left their hiding spot, tears dotting the corners of her eyes.

"Hey, hey," Jace wrapped her in a hug, the crown of her head resting against his shoulder, "It's okay, it's gonna be okay..."

"Wh-why are you telling me that?" Clary sniffed, "You should tell Alec that."

Later at dinner, no one said anything about the angry red fingers decorating Alec's cheek.

 

**5.**

Jace was getting fed up with the whole thing. Ever since witnessing the incident in the hall, he watched more closely how Alec acted around his father. If he was spoken to, his back was ramrod straight. He sat with his shoulders hunched, and in the training room he was making reckless mistakes. Isabelle had tried voicing her concerns, but Alec merely pushed her away. He did the same with Clary.

"Izzy, just give him some space-" Jace tried to reason with his sister one morning as she paced back and forth in the library. They were helping Clary practice her runes again, and she had gotten a lot better than last time. The only issue was that she would end up creating entirely new runes in place of the ones she was supposed to be memorizing.

"It's been four months Jace!" Isabelle stamped her foot, twisting her ankle as the seven inch heel of her boot connected with the carpet, "Shit!"

Clary brushed her hair out of her eyes, re-positioning herself in the red cushioned loveseat, "Didn't he say he was training today?"

Jace repressed the urge to groan. Training was all Alec did these days, lest Robert order him about with the threat of homelessness. The man was shameless, dangling the notion over his head if he even thought about approaching the subject. Maryse was now considerably nicer, involving Alec in everything she did- in fact, she was preparing him to take over the Institute when she retired, which Jace honestly couldn't wait for. He knew Alec would be a great choice to run the Institute.

If only his dad could see the same. Maryse had eventually stopped fighting him on the matter.

"I'm pretty sure we would hear his angsty grunting from here," Isabelle scoffed, plopping herself next to Clary on the chair. She pointed to the flashcard Clary was currently studying, "That's a stamina rune." Clary pursed her lips, placing the card back in her stack.

"Well, we better go see him anyway," Jace said, "what he's doing is not healthy."

Upon this sentiment, the three of them left the library to traipse down the corridor. A few other Shadowhunters were roaming about, considering exams were being held from the Academy in Idris. Jace had seen Simon earlier practicing his staff sparring, and the Daylighter looked pretty good, considering he was the clumsiest person alive. Jace felt his shoulders tense as they passed Robert's office, but thankfully it was quiet. Maryse was at Idris for the day, helping the Inquisitor oversee a few points in the Academy's curriculum, so Jace knew if they needed to go to her, they wouldn't be able to. They were squishing into the doorframe of the training room now, but there were no angry grunts and smacks like they had heard for the past four months.

Odd.

"Alec?" Isabelle called. Her voice echoed and bounced against the wall.

No answer.

"Alec!" Jace tried, biting his lip as silence greeted him.

Clary was running towards the wall of weapons. Swords and staffs and arrows and bows were hung carefully in their places, untouched. Waiting.

"He isn't here," Clary said.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Isabelle chuckled, although Jace could hear the tinge of concern, her face falling slightly. He began pacing the perimeter, boots slapping the tiles until he came to a stop at one of the benches pushed against the far wall.

Alec was perched on the silver bench, his clothes plastered with sweat to his skin. His hair was mussed, mouth parted slightly as he breathed. In. Out. Inhale. Exhale.

Asleep. Alec was sleeping. Heaving a sigh, Jace ploppe himself next to him on the bench. Alec slid down until his head was on Jace's shoulder. Clary and Isabelle tiptoed over to them, the latter with her phone out, a broad grin on her face as she took a picture.

"Should we try to get him to his room?" Clary suggested.

Jace shrugged, grabbing one of Alecs arms, "We'll probably end up dragging him anyway. Guy sleeps like a log." isabelle moved to grab his other arm, a disgusted look on her face when she grabbed his hand. Jace raised an eyebrow, watching as Isabelle inspected Alec's fingers, is knuckles; her eyes trailed over the back of his hand to his wrist.

That didn't look good.

"Iz?"

Isabelle thrust Alec's hand in his face, "Look at this."

Alec was working hard, they knew. The past four months hadn't been kind to him, and it was one of the only ways he knew how to relieve his stress, never having been good with words. But this was overkill. A few of Alec's fingers looked broken, bent at awkward angles due to not healing properly (he saw small iratzes haphazardly and sloppily drawn on his fingers. Some of them looked unfinished.) His knuckles were split open, a crusty red running down his pale skin to dry along his wrists and the inseam of his forearm. Clary pointed out slivers of white.

"That's bone," she said quietly.

Isabelle already had Magnus on the phone, explaining the injury in as much detail as possible. 

 

**+1.**

Jace stood just outside the apartment. Alec had been staying with Magnus ever since the incident (they seemed to be having a lot of those these days), and jace was starting to get lonely training with just Isabelle and Clary. Sure, they were his friends, and Clary his girlfriend, but he missed his parabatai. The rune on his arm pulse from time to time, and he was sure that Alec was just as lonely, if not more.

Jace felt his palms start to get clammy as he stood in the hallway, reading the plaque announcing that Magnus lived in the apartment for the millionth time. He had been in Magnus's loft many times before- when he was arrested temporarily, when Clary went to get her memory unblocked, every time Magnus threw a party he found himself there because Isabelle could be pretty reckless at times. Heaving a sigh, he turned the knob, letting himself in, "Alec? Magnus?"

Jace ventured into the living room, upon receiving no answer. thick blankets were strewn across the couch, and a two bowls of half-eaten chow mein were sitting on the coffee table. Chairman Meow was happily licking one of them clean, flicking his tail and hissing once he saw Jace. He landed with a thump as she scurried into the next room.

Arrogant cat.

He had never seen the loft so messy though. Magnus usually kept his living space immaculate, pristine. Rolling his shoulders, Jace decided to follow the animal, calling for his parabatai and the warlock. He knew they were in the loft, they had to be. He finally found his way around to Magnus's bedroom, the door slightly ajar. Just as he was about to push the door open, the Chairman slunk up against his leg, purring softly. A warning.

"What, you stupid cat?" Jace demanded, a hushed whisper, not so intimidating. The cat blinked, staring at the door for a moment before bounding back down the hall.

Just as he was about to push open the door, he heard a soft crying.

Alec's crying.

It was muffled, but Jace knew Magnus's voice anywhere, just a tad louder than Alec's sobbing.

"Here, love, your hands are almost healed," Magnus was saying. Jace's mind breifly flashed to that day in the training room, Alec sleeping against the wall, his knuckles split down to the bone. He shivered, still able to remember the slight drool that pooled on his shoulder when Alec fell against him.

"I'm sorry you have to keep doing this," Alec was quiet, so quiet Jace thought he hadn't even spoken.

jace grinned as Magnus answered, "Why should I be sorry? We all know why I'm doing this."

Love. Jace knew that Magnus was doing it out of love. He loved Alec so fiercely, sometimes it scared him. It scared him even more to think of what Magnus was capable of if Alec were ever to die. Such was the life of one dating an immortal warlock.

"I still feel like you shouldn't," Alec replied, "save your energy for your clients, I can't pay you-"

"Alexander," Magnus sighed, "When will you realize that I'm not doing this for my own benefit? I'm doing this because I love you. Is that wrong?"

"N-no, but-"

Jace bit his lip. Here was the part where Alec was going to say he wasn't worth all the trouble. That there were more important things for the warlock to use his magic on, even stupid trivial everyday things. Not this, not healing split and bloody and infected knuckles. Not building him back up when he's been knocked down. Not wasting his time on someone he was going to outlive anyway.

It really sucked, how long it took for Jace to realize that his parabatai was so depressed already. Nineteen years of hiding in the closet, a father who won't accept him when he finally comes out, and now? Now Jace realizes that this was how Alec had been brought up, before Isabelle was born, before he had been taken into the Lightwood home. Alec had been told that he was wrong and disgusting and he was told to hide.

Living like that for nineteen years sounded like Hell. Maybe Hell was preferable, but Jace didn't know, he didn't have to hide like Alec.

And here Alec was, pushing away the one good thing that's happened to him in so long, pushing away someone who truly loved Alec like Alec deserved, and Alec obviously didn't know how to accept that someone could love him like he wanted. Like he deserved. Jace rested with his back against the wall, so e could look into Magnus's room without getting caught. Alec's back was to him, but he could see the clear adoration on Magnus's face as he lifted a hand to Alec's cheek. The rings on his hands flashed as he smiled.

"You deserve s much," Magnus whispered fervently, "you deserve to be hugged and kissed and you deserve to be given flowers and anything your heart desires. You may not realize that you're special, but you're special to me, Alexander. You're so _goddamn special_ , and even though I know I'm immortal and you'll pass one day, I don't care. I want to give you what you deserve, what you've been denied for so long."

Jace clenched his fist as Alec stuttered, "And I love you, Magnus, but I can't compare with any of your past flings, I can't reciprocate and I feel that I'd be stringing you along-"

Jace hadn't realized he snorted until he realized they had stopped talking. Shit.

"Probably just the Chairman," Magnus put aside the distraction, thankfully, "Alexander, you can't compare yourself to them. They're the past."

Jace could see Alec shaking his head, "I'm not worth it, Magnus."

Magnus's smile was soft, if not a tad heartbroken as he shook his head, "This. This is what I mean, you've spent so long in Isabelle and Jace's shadow, you've never been able to see how wonerful and beautiful you are. Especially to me. Alexander, I love you."

A tingle ran up Jace's spine as he heard Alec just break. A small noise, at first, like a sigh, leading up a few sniffles. And then it was a tiny sob, stretched and hiccuped as it lead to full-on wailing. Jace frowned as he saw Alec hang his head, shoulders shaking vigorously. Magnus was careful as he repositioned himself on his knees, leaning forward to wrap Alec in his arms. It was kind of funny, with the shorter man resting his chin on Alec's shoulder, whispering small "I love you's" and planting kisses on his cheeks.

Magnus locked eyes with him when he looked up, freezing for just a minute. Jace hesitated before gesturing for him to be quiet, the warlock smiling politely as he mouth a small "thank you."

Alec deserved all the happiness in the world. And Jace knew Magnus would be able to give that to him.

He gave Chairman Meow a small pat on the head as he left the apartment, closing the door with an audible click behind him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This took me a while to write, just because the topic is very sensitive and I wanted to do my best and take care. I hope you liked it.


End file.
